Day 7 - Getting Stronger

Today marks one week since my baby has been alive yet unable to come home.  I am extremely grateful for the love and support we've received but am still sad that my baby can't rest at home.  Landon is doing well.  He had lost some weight, as to be expected, but it slowly gaining it back.  Over the weekend, he was down to 4 lbs, 10 oz.  Today he weighed 4 lbs, 13 oz.  The IV is out and they dressed him in clothes yesterday and his labs are all normal.  They are increasing his feedings 4ml every other feeding, so every six hours; today he hit his max at 45ml however, I'm not sure yet how well he was able to keep it down.  The nurses are going to start weaning his isolates which means turning down the heat in the incubator 1 degree every 12 hours to see how well he can maintain his own temperature.  They said to expect his feedings or weight to go down because we are asking his body to work harder.  

We visited Landon on Friday with the boys since they were off school. I was able to get him to latch for a few minutes which was amazing since they didn't think he would for a few more weeks. When we went on Saturday, he nursed for 15 minutes! It was an amazing experience to feel like I was doing something and finally bonding with my little boy. He nursed again today but fell asleep soon after starting. The nurses also started him on a bottle yesterday and he seems to be doing well. Overall, he has drank about half of his milk via bottle before tiring out. They give him the rest through his feeding tube.

The boys don't understand the situation and keep asking why I'm so sad. I've tried to stay positive and am glad that Landon is doing so well but it is HARD. Saturday, we visited, and I only cried for a minute. I did well when we left but when we got home I lashed out at Chevy for not washing his hands correctly and then cried for 2 hours before falling asleep. When I woke up that evening, I was so super emotional that I could barely talk to anyone. Yesterday was better. I stayed busy doing homework and housework...I got a lot done. I didn't cry at all until nighttime. I was exhausted and hurting but couldn't fall asleep, so I got out of bed and realized the basement lights were on. When I went down to turn them off I burst into tears and didn't know why.  I cried for about 20 minutes and then called the NICU to check on Landon.  The nurse (Laura) was helpful and supportive. Today, seeing Landon was reassuring.  He was very alert and awake for almost an hour before he got tuckered out.  I didn't cry when we left and only got teary eyed for a minute when we were at Walmart and I seen a newborn.  I must remember that this is all normal and that we are blessed that Landon is healthy. 

Bryan has been awesome.  I asked him yesterday how he is doing with everything.  He said he is grateful that Landon is well and that he is just more worried about me because we've been together for 10 years and he's never seen me like this.  We have always had a great relationship, but I really think this has brought us closer together.